Miserable By Choice

There are days when you want to feel miserable.  Days when nothing can cheer you up. You are capable to find unhappiness in everything around you. Or is it just me?

I had a long and good night’s sleep last night. I am fresh and wide awake. I am actually forward to a bright day. May be I won’t get late today. 

As I was dead tired last night, I did not pack our lunch boxes. I decide to cook Maggi noodles with some veggies for lunch. Then I see the hand gloves are not around and are lying on the dining table. Despite of repeated instructions, things are amiss in the kitchen. I am already losing my cool. I am also fixing breakfast simultaneously. I gulp down my breakfast and then pack the lunch boxes. Az tells me to leave the utensils. He will do them. I am late. Again. 

I rush to the bedroom to put on my jacket, shoes and scarf. I am complaining aloud about things not being order at home and how everybody’s irresponsible. As I leave, Az is in the kitchen, doesn’t come to see me off, as he usually does. He hates it when I crib about home stuff. I climb down the stairs and realize I forgot my lunch. I go back. 

So I shall have to take an auto-rickshaw straight to office again. At the stand, one driver quotes a charge which far more than the metered charge. I get furious since I am already pissed off.  He tries to bargain, I tell him in a little high pitched tone that I am not going to pay him anything extra and walk away. The other auto drivers tell the guy that I am a regular and that he should not have quoted an unfair rate. I am called back. Once I settle down in the auto, I start to introspect why the hell did I take out a part of my foul mood on the poor driver. I rarely shout at auto-drivers, no matter how outrageous they are.

It is a hectic day at office. I am running up and down all day. It’s sickening how senior people play cheap political games. My desk is strewn with papers and my mind is trying to do several things at once. It’s amazingly frustrating how you are expected to build Rome in a day, that too single-handedly. And you are never good enough. 

It’s a long commute back home. I am dead tired. Az has come to pick me up. He is still in his office attire. He had reached home later than his usual time. Still he came to get me. But it’s not cheering me up. I don’t feel like talking. He suggests that I have an early night like last night. He drops me and goes to see an unwell relative. 

The main door is open. The house is in a mess as usual. I go straight to the bedroom. Automatically, I start focusing on all the negatives around me. There are so many positives. They outweigh all negatives. But no, I don’t want to think about them today. My eyes brim up. I want to be miserable tonight. So just let me be. 

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